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Open letters

Seeing as we've got confessions and problems and issues springing up in threads all over the shop, I thought it might be interesting to have an open letter thread. Cathartic, perhaps. From your mother ruining your wedding, to your boyfriend who can't stop peeing on the toilet seat, or even that guy on the bus who kept making that annoying noise with his mouth, get it out here.

I'll get the ball rolling.

To my dear darling boyfriend,

Just because you are technically 'clean' when you come out the shower, it doesn't mean that I am okay with using the same towel you've been rubbing all over yourself for a month. I know you have others. I bought you two myself. Drag them out from the murky depths of the laundry basket, wash them and allow me the temporary use of a clean one.

Love, Cat

Dear AC,

Thanks!

:> VC

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I invented myself! I'll RE-invent myself with solar power, for you.  :-*

I believe that your parents invented you, AC.

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They created me. I invented me. Duh!

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Dear beloved peach brandy-
I feel as though we do not have a healthy relationship because I frequently drink way too much of you.  I’m not going to be able to keep you around as much I’m afraid. Please do not take it personally. You are just too tasty and you call my name nightly. ….

PB

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Dear roommate,

Will you please ask me next time you decide to eat the LAST of my leftover food that I planned on taking with me to work? You have now done this two days in a row and I'm kind of over it. I even bought an extra bread bowl for my leftover bisque to take to work, but you took the last of the soup to work for your own lunch. And now I don't have any leftover chickpea cutlets for lunch today. I'm glad you have a lunch, but cooking another lunch in the morning is kind of a pain in the ass. I still love you, but you have been pissing me off lately.

Love,
roommate

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Dear FedEx Box on my front doorstep,

Please be there by the time I get home!  You contain a very expensive corset and I will weep  for months if I have to replace you.  Plus I wont have anything to wear this weekend to Faire!

Pretty please! With sugar on top,
~Cali

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Dear Sun,

I know you really like SA but I'd really appreciate it if you wouldn't keep hitting us with 100+ degree days.  I have the whitest legs in Texas which I won't be able to get rid of until you cool off enough for me to lay out and enjoy your brillance.  Please!

Thanks,
S

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Dear eybrows,

Sorry about the whole accidentally dying you orange with peroxide thing.  My bad.

Yours,
The valances don't match the drapes.

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Dear Sun,

I know you really like SA but I'd really appreciate it if you wouldn't keep hitting us with 100+ degree days.  I have the whitest legs in Texas which I won't be able to get rid of until you cool off enough for me to lay out and enjoy your brillance.  Please!

Thanks,
S

Dear sun-

I second that for Colorado!

PB

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dear wordpress message board user,

why are you a dick to me.

- sensitive sally

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Dear open letters,

You are so funny.

;D AC

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Good thread, Catski!

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Dear nose,

I know that the new weather is playing havoc on our sinuses but please stop bleeding.  It freaks people out when it happens in public.  You always pick a time when I don't have any tissues.

Sincerely,
S

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Dear FLeas,
Why oh why did you have to choose MY cat and  MY house in which to make your home? Must you land on my children and cause them to itch? Why must you be so hard to squish between my fingers?

Did you choose us because were vegan and you think we will spare your lives?

Well let me tell you something....when it comes to fleas my vegan values get thrown out the window, and I will have no problem killing you and all of your children in cold blood.  >:D

Sincerely,
Little2ant

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Dear L2A,

http://www.clicksmilies.com/s1106/aktion/action-smiley-028.gif

-Officer AC

I am mailing some fleas to your house!!!  >:D

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:lol:

Yay! Mail from L2A!!!!

;)

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Dear Lyle,
:)>>>
I know you can't read this yet, but I just want to thank you for staying attached to my breast all day and drinking SO much milk. You have helped me lose about 20 pounds so far and I haven't even exercised yet! Plus you are looking cuter with your little double chin....and mine is starting to fade! Way to go buddy!

Love,

Mommy

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Dear Vegwebbers,
your letters are very entertaining and I thank you all for sharing them. 
love,
alg

Dear M,
Please hurry up and stop being sleepy and undecisive.  You were supposed to come by 45 minutes ago so that we could go kayaking.  I set my alarm, got up, showered, dressed, put on sunblock, and was all ready to go even before you called to say you were now unsure about whether we should even go.  Sure, there are predictions for t-storms, but right now it's sunny and clear and I want to kayak, damnit! If you woke up when you were supposed to there is no way we would get rained out.  Now stop being so lame!!  >:( 
with much frustration,
alg

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Dear Vegdudes and dudettes,

Thanks for your brilliant letters. Hope it's been cathartic yet entertaining for you all.

Love, Cat.

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