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Open letters

Seeing as we've got confessions and problems and issues springing up in threads all over the shop, I thought it might be interesting to have an open letter thread. Cathartic, perhaps. From your mother ruining your wedding, to your boyfriend who can't stop peeing on the toilet seat, or even that guy on the bus who kept making that annoying noise with his mouth, get it out here.

I'll get the ball rolling.

To my dear darling boyfriend,

Just because you are technically 'clean' when you come out the shower, it doesn't mean that I am okay with using the same towel you've been rubbing all over yourself for a month. I know you have others. I bought you two myself. Drag them out from the murky depths of the laundry basket, wash them and allow me the temporary use of a clean one.

Love, Cat

Dear A-hole at Dartmouth and 41st,

There is a special hell for people like you.  Your poor kitty is infested with fleas and ear mites and has contact dermititis from the total lack of care and concern you have for her.  It is simply cruel to have outdoor cats in Florida.  I'll bet she's not even spayed.  I am coming for her tomorrow night and you can save the few dollars a month you spend on that Wal-mart brand cat food you feed her.  You suck! 

The Midnight Ninja Cat Thief

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Dear A-hole at Dartmouth and 41st,

There is a special hell for people like you.  Your poor kitty is infested with fleas and ear mites and has contact dermititis from the total lack of care and concern you have for her.  It is simply cruel to have outdoor cats in Florida.  I'll bet she's not even spayed.  I am coming for her tomorrow night and you can save the few dollars a month you spend on that Wal-mart brand cat food you feed her.  You suck! 

The Midnight Ninja Cat Thief

Dear Storm,
Can I come too?

(What is the vegan equivalent to egging someone's house in the dead of night?)

Admiringly,
YG

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Dear Yabbit,

You are totally invited to come.  Vegan equivalent to egging a house.....hmmmm?  There really isn't a good substitute for runny egg goo, is there?  Perhaps we could just spray paint "I'm an asshole" across the front of their house.

Storm

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Dear Storm,
I know! We can TP their house, using recycled (ie dirty and smelly and gross) TP.
That would be very ecofriendly, I'm thinking.
YG

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Dear Yabbit,

Bwah, ha, ha, ha, ha.....and ewww at the same time!  I like it!

Storm

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Storm, my aunt used to come home after trick-or-treating on Halloween to find people as written in candle wax on her windows.  (she did not agree with handing out candy to begging kids she did not know.  She always gave me and my sisters stuff though)

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Dear MIL, when I am wearing a bracelet that you admire, it is not to check out if you want it.  I am going through my colletion of beads and using them right now.  If I did not want them, I would make them a bit smaller for you.  I am tired of you acting like a disappointed look is all you need to get something you want. 

I really question your memory issues at times.  I suspect you will remember if I say I will make one for you later and remind me when you tell me you can not remember what you ate for supper 2 hrs later.  Seems concenient to forget you ate sweets so you can justify more but remember things you want.

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Dear Semiveg,
That sounds like my father's "deafness". Yes, he was slightly hard of hearing,  enough to justify a hearing aid in one ear. No, he was not as deaf as he pretended to be. He could always hear the remarks you didn't want him to hear, particularly the ones you made in a low voice behind his back; but talking to him face to face would get "HAH? Speak up!" The TV on full blast was his way of hiding from the people in the house, blocking out conversations he didn't want to have, etc.

Dear God,
If I ever get old enough to think I have the "right" to use my age as a weapon to manipulate other people with, shoot me.
YG

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yabbit, thanks for your patience with my spelling.  Spell check had not worked for me recently and know I had a few typos.

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Dear God,
If I ever get old enough to think I have the "right" to use my age as a weapon to manipulate other people with, shoot me.
YG

Dear Yabbit,
Is it wrong I got a picture of a lady being struck by lighting multipule times in my head and kinda giggled? If it is... I'm sorry. :-D
Lovingly,
Faylina

ps... after looking at google images for far too long I think this image best applies: LOL :-D :-D :-D

http://scrwmedia.com/ufj/files/2011/04/jchrist.gif

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Dear Fay,
That struck me as sooo funny on sooo many levels...some of which are far too involved to explain here!
http://serve.mysmiley.net/party/party0028.gif

I get it...and so does He!
Love,
YG

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Dear Semiveg,
That sounds like my father's "deafness". Yes, he was slightly hard of hearing,  enough to justify a hearing aid in one ear. No, he was not as deaf as he pretended to be. He could always hear the remarks you didn't want him to hear, particularly the ones you made in a low voice behind his back; but talking to him face to face would get "HAH? Speak up!" The TV on full blast was his way of hiding from the people in the house, blocking out conversations he didn't want to have, etc.

Dear God,
If I ever get old enough to think I have the "right" to use my age as a weapon to manipulate other people with, shoot me.
YG

I can relate to the "deafness" also.  She has admitted that one on an occasion.  If she "doesn't hear, then she can do as she pleases and no one can fault her for it.  then DH gets mad at me when I accuse her of manipulation.

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Dear Dr J,
Do you have a cure for human idiocy? Because I need a big old dose.
YG

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Dear Yabbit,

If Dr. J comes through with that, would you mind sharing?  I'm surrounded by idiots.

Storm

Dear Monday,

http://bestsmileys.com/expressions/1.gif

Storm

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Dear Yabbit,

If Dr. J comes through with that, would you mind sharing?  I'm surrounded by idiots.

Storm

Dear Monday,

http://bestsmileys.com/expressions/1.gif

Storm

I meant for myself. I think for the meds to take, you have to volunteer for the experiment.
;P

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Dear Yabbit,

If Dr. J comes through with that, would you mind sharing?  I'm surrounded by idiots.

Storm

Dear Monday,

http://bestsmileys.com/expressions/1.gif

Storm

I meant for myself. I think for the meds to take, you have to volunteer for the experiment.
;P

My mom used to "volunteer" me for things.  I will gladly "volunteer" Stom's idiots and a few of my own. 

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Dear Yabbit,

You are so not an idiot.

Storm

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Dear Yabbit,

You are so not an idiot.

Storm

I second that motion.

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Dear Yabbit,

You are so not an idiot.

Storm

Dear Storm and His Supreme Joshness,
Not usually...but I can be really imbecilic when the heat is on. It's been on, just of late, but things are looking up today. Fortunately I am over myself.
YG

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Dear you two,
I hope you are okay. I hope this is just a fight you'll forget about. I hope nothing too serious happened last night and that you'll both realize whatever happened was silly. I'm worried about both of you. No one go crazy please.
-Sarah

Framer man,
HOLY GEEZE I KNOW WHY PEOPLE COME TO MY SHOP YOU ARE EXPENSIVE. Sorry. You're a neat guy and I know you have to pay for the building and everything and you do everything there and business is probably slow but oh man. I don't have that kind of money.
-Sarah

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