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Open letters

Seeing as we've got confessions and problems and issues springing up in threads all over the shop, I thought it might be interesting to have an open letter thread. Cathartic, perhaps. From your mother ruining your wedding, to your boyfriend who can't stop peeing on the toilet seat, or even that guy on the bus who kept making that annoying noise with his mouth, get it out here.

I'll get the ball rolling.

To my dear darling boyfriend,

Just because you are technically 'clean' when you come out the shower, it doesn't mean that I am okay with using the same towel you've been rubbing all over yourself for a month. I know you have others. I bought you two myself. Drag them out from the murky depths of the laundry basket, wash them and allow me the temporary use of a clean one.

Love, Cat

sarah,

call customer service! amazon is generally good about these types of things, and this seems like a genuine mistake. sounds like you were trying to return an item, and they thought you were selling back your "used" book to them.

fb

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"Dear" Kay,
Geez, girl--don't your thigh muscles hurt from all that jumping up and down yelling "Look at me! Look at me!" that  you do? Do you ever get a stiff neck from looking down your nose at others? And don't your arms hurt from waving in the air to call attention to yourself and your (obviously superior and better-informed) ideas and (supposedly) flawless sources of information?

I hate to be the one to say it, but NPR is not always an unbiassed source. Nor is any other media you care to name. And just because you like an idea doesn't make it true for everyone in all circumstances.

Chuh.
YG

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VH and FB,
I fixed it. haha. I was actually surprised by how fast they fixed it. Which probably happened because I was insanely pissed off. Now I just have to wait a million days to get my refund. I hate that they got it on Friday so the weekend doesn't count as days for it to process. Agh.
-Sarah

Last piece of pizza,
Get in my mouth
-Me

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dear vegan cookie I made tonight,

I love you and you taste amazing but,
I'll hate you in the morning when I get on the scale!

signed,
the hungry cookie muncher

ps... I already murdered your friends, and you're next  http://i1208.photobucket.com/albums/cc366/PlagueEleven/Smileys/cookie.gif

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Dear Gary,

nice to have you back in our house again......not quite the same as before, but just as cuddly.

Love, the big person who you let live in your house

PS sorry for embarrassing you and crying my eyes out at the vets when I came to collect you.

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Dear Shell,

I was thinking of Gary on my drive home today.  I'm happy she's where she's loved.

hh

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Dear Butt,

Don't think I'm just going to sit back and let you continue to head south without a fight!!  You will move back into position by the time I'm done with you.

Rawr!

Storm

Dear Baker Creek,

WHERE THE HELL IS MY SEED CATALOG?!!  Twice I've called and twice you've apologized and said you'd get it out right away.  I've been doing business with you for years.....WTF?!!  Do you want me to spend my $$ elsewhere? 

Pissed Off Gardner  >:(

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Dear customer service of an undisclosed company,

I'm sorry that you had to be on the receiving end of my wrath. Please know, it had nothing to do with you personally. But also know that I've flipped out on you for 2 days in a row. 5 times in a week. You'll see my notes in your system. If not, your supervisor has them.

Anyhow! I only get this angry (and angrier) for certain occasions. And you heard it. It's not you..it's your awful and pathetic company you work for and the piece of shit product it produces. I appreciate your competence. I hate (too soft of a word) your company.

Good day,
Josh

PS. Don't worry, I'm not going to threaten you or say the things I heard at my old job. It gives me another panic attack just thinking about it.

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Dear Josh:
Useful and more powerful synonyms for hate: loathe, despise, abominate, scorn, repudiate, vilify (which is what you do when you hate them).
Tell them they are "meretricious" and they'll think it's a compliment. It isn't. It has nothing to do with merit. A meretrice is a whore.

YG, roving girl etymologist

Dear Physio Dude:
Please solve the situation soonest, and keep me coming in at 8.30 AM. I need the time during the day for other stuff, and the sooner you relax those muscles the sooner I can stop pouring cash into your coffers.
The offer to trade massage for English class still stands, but because your hourly is 3x mine, I know you'll never take it. Yes,  I have to teach for 90 min to get a scant 30 of massage.
So hurry.
YG

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Dear Josh:
Useful and more powerful synonyms for hate: loathe, despise, abominate, scorn, repudiate, vilify (which is what you do when you hate them).
Tell them they are "meretricious" and they'll think it's a compliment. It isn't. It has nothing to do with merit. A meretrice is a whore.

YG, roving girl etymologist

Yes!! Thank you! *taking notes*

Dear Magic Thread,

I'm leaving for Oregon in a few days and I'm freaking out. Freaking out with excitement and with nervousness. As you know, I've been unemployed for almost 5 months. I really need and really want a job. So please please please let me find something.

I can't come back to Ohio. I really can't. While here, I've been depressed, lonely, angry, sad, erratic and self-destructive. I have to get out. I have to stay out. I'm begging you to help me. I won't survive here.

Please.

-Josh

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Dear HH,

thank you for thinking of Gary.
I am definitely still in mourning for her.  I have stopped spontaneously crying, but am still crying A LOT.  I know I should be thankful for the time I spent with her, and celebrate the life that she did have, but I can't do that yet.  I still expect her to be around and cry when I realise she won't be ever again.
So it means so much to me to know you are thinking of her too.

thank you,
Shell xx

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Dear Shell,

Gary is an amazing soul.  I sometimes still cry for her and you, too.

hh

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dear magical vw,

i had an interview with a company in the nutrition industry tonight... i think i rocked it... good vibes i get this job and get out of hell (aka my current job) before i go insane

amy

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dear magical vw,

i had an interview with a company in the nutrition industry tonight... i think i rocked it... good vibes i get this job and get out of hell (aka my current job) before i go insane

amy

Dear Amy,
I was just gonna ask about the job search. I have a good feeling about your situation, too.

Dear VW,
OK, I'm pathetic. But I'm tired, green, provincial and only about 4 years old. Please send some hugs and good thoughts my way because I'm feeling like a bastard at a family reunion. Not here, IRL.
Tell me ya love me.
Needily, pathetically yours,
YG

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yabbs,

literally everyone loves you! you are my favorite mushroom!! <3 <3 <3 and you are exceptionally awesome

-allison

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yg,

We all love you! I do! And I fucking hate mushrooms, but I've made an exception for you. In you I've found a clever and compassionate lady who is possibly loves words more than I do. You give great advice and you're all around a class act. Don't ever forget it.

-Courtney

Dearest Research Methods class,

I don't think I've simultaneously loved and hated anything more. I'm excited to get this research done, and I'm pretty stoked by my topic of choice. But in one semester? Dear lord. This is the first qualitative research I've done for realsies, and definitely the first time I've had to submit something to a review board for approval. I seem to be the only person in the class genuinely excited about writing this paper. It makes me a little bit nauseous just thinking about the paper, though.

-Courtney

Paper regarding that one Greek skull:

You also make me nauseous. And yet I still love you. It's almost like when I used to eat ice cream. I knew it would make me shit my pants, but it just tasted so good. You're the same way. Presenting you to the Georgia Academy of Science? That makes me want to shit my pants. So writing you is putting me a little bit on edge. Okay, it's way putting me on edge a LOT. So.... go write yourself.

-Courtney

Dear world,

I'm coming to the sad conclusion that I am doomed to a life in academia. I'm socially awkward and I just love the shit out of research. I do things like order textbooks for pleasure reading because they look interesting. I have 24 academic books on my Amazon wishlist. I just need to hit the lottery so I can buy them. So, I know I'm going to have to go to graduate school. Most anthropology programs these days do not offer a terminal master's degree, so I'd have to enter into a PhD track. Again, I feel the need to vomit and shit my pants simultaneously. I don't think I'm smart enough or ready for that. I have three classes left in my undergraduate education. Help!

-Courtney

Members of VW:

I've been MIA for a while. Well, i've had my head rammed inside some anthropology journal or another. I've been so busy with research, reading, and band that I haven't had much time for the internet unless I'm avoiding something. So... I should go now. I love you guys!

Courtney

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Dear world,

What have I done to you? Have I hurt you or something? If so, please tell me and let us work it out because I'm getting tired of the shit you're throwing. I'm not the same as I once was.

-Josh

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Dear YG,
You know all of VW loves you. :)

-PG

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Dear VW,
OK, I'm pathetic. But I'm tired, green, provincial and only about 4 years old. Please send some hugs and good thoughts my way because I'm feeling like a bastard at a family reunion. Not here, IRL.
Tell me ya love me.
Needily, pathetically yours,
YG

I know that feeling all too well. Anyhow! Yabbit - You are so awesome and are awesomely awesome!! I love you and you don't even have to ask or plead -- I'll definitely send you some positive vibes. Not only that, I'll send a response to your email. Be excited! :)

-Josh
____________________________

Courtney:

You're awesomely awesome as well!! I mean that. And I know what I'm saying.

-Josh

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we all love you yabbit

GOOD NEWS I HAVE A SECOND INTERVIEW!!!! I THINK I GOT THIS!!! PLEASE HAPPY THOUGHTS!!!

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