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Open letters

Seeing as we've got confessions and problems and issues springing up in threads all over the shop, I thought it might be interesting to have an open letter thread. Cathartic, perhaps. From your mother ruining your wedding, to your boyfriend who can't stop peeing on the toilet seat, or even that guy on the bus who kept making that annoying noise with his mouth, get it out here.

I'll get the ball rolling.

To my dear darling boyfriend,

Just because you are technically 'clean' when you come out the shower, it doesn't mean that I am okay with using the same towel you've been rubbing all over yourself for a month. I know you have others. I bought you two myself. Drag them out from the murky depths of the laundry basket, wash them and allow me the temporary use of a clean one.

Love, Cat

Dear Printer,
Why did you have to break and cause Allen to stay later?  Didn't you know that I highly value my quiet time here at this deity forsaken job?  Do you want me to pull an Office Space on you?  Because that's what will happen the next time this happens.
You've been warned, printer.

C.

Dear Allen,
WTF is your deal, anyway?  How long have you been doing this job?  Oh...since around the time I was born?!  And you still don't get it?!  Get some therapy, and while you're at it, get me some earplugs or a new mp3 player so I don't have to listen to you anymore.  Or maybe a sewing kit so I can sew your mouth shut.

Chuck

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Dear crazy woman down the street,

Shut up!  Stop screaming all the time.  Everyone thinks that you are insane.  Also stop sending all of your dogs out unsupervised at 5:30 in the morning and allowing them to bark continuously and then finally screaming to get them all back in the house. I pity your poor kid.  :'(  You are not a nice person. 

PS...do not hit on my son...it is very creepy...young guys do not think you are hot..I think my sons reply was that he wanted to puke!

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Dear wedding photographer,

Please fix your website.  It's hard to navigate and it crashes randomly.  I'm trying to choose the photos for my album by your deadline.  And by the way, thanks for not telling me that I was responsible for choosing my own photos.  Luckily I found out by accident (a month after the wedding), since the album has already been paid for.  I hope my mom didn't spend too much money on you, because your photos are not good enough to be worth the trouble.  If I meet anyone else who is getting married in Flagstaff, AZ, I'll make sure to tell them which photographer not to get.

Regards,
PG

Dear Catski,

Thanks for starting this thread.  I feel a little better now.

Love,
PG

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Dear hesp,

No.  I got a Excalibur 5-tray with timer while you were gone.  The flax crackers were my maiden dehydrating effort.

Good!  I'm happy to know the package arrived.  I'm sorry there were so many seeds and things that you were probably stuck eating the whole way anyway.

Love,
TheCrackerLady

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Dear Governor Schwarzenegger,

Stop sucking.

Thank you,
An Unloyal Constituent

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dear ya'll,

let's do a vegweb bike across the country! we can do it through bike and build so we can still get our stuff carried for us... but yeah.

love, hesp.

p.s. p is crazy.

Dear the ya'll that hesp was referring to,

Could we? I have some questions regarding this proposition. It sounds mighty great though.

faithfully yours, AC

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Dear CK,

When are you going to start looking for another job?

your friend, AC

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dear permanent grin and catski... in reply...

i also felt better.  after writing my letter, i fixed the problem, thereby going back to an awesome day.  thank you internet for solving my problems!

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Dear coworkers that are hanging out right outside the entrance to my cube:

LEAVE! go take your conversation elsewhere.

kthanxbye

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Dear hubbys waste of space best friend B-
Please don't ever come over my house again! I told you I don't like you, I haven't seen or heard a peep out of you for almost a glorious month! All of sudden you come over last night like the 'smoke' had cleared or something..... The smoke will never clear!!!! I do not like you, you are a waste of the air I breath, you annoying the living hell out of me and now I'm in a bad mood today.

-hubby's 'bitchy' wife

Dear hubby-
Please forgive me and try to be understanding when I tell you I do not want your waste of life friend over again.

-your misses

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Dear lisaandini and CK-
Do you have a pdf reader so I can pdf my recipe and post as attachment. I took pictures and put in my recipe becasue I'm really that big of a dork.....

- indian food lovin PB

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Dear hubbys waste of space best friend B-
Please don't ever come over my house again! I told you I don't like you, I haven't seen or heard a peep out of you for almost a glorious month! All of sudden you come over last night like the 'smoke' had cleared or something..... The smoke will never clear!!!! I do not like you, you are a waste of the air I breath, you annoying the living hell out of me and now I'm in a bad mood today.

-hubby's 'bitchy' wife

Dear hubby-
Please forgive me and try to be understanding when I tell you I do not want your waste of life friend over again.

-your misses

dear pooh bear,

can i ever relate to that!  there are wastes of space at my house alllll the time.  but bf finally realized the worst one was...the worst...and he's been cut out, thank goodness.  good luck with annoying friends of hubby.  that's a tough situation.

sincerely,
AP

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Dear lisaandini and CK-
Do you have a pdf reader so I can pdf my recipe and post as attachment. I took pictures and put in my recipe becasue I'm really that big of a dork.....

- indian food lovin PB

yes pdfs are good. pictures of food are very good

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Dear triticale,

I did not know about you, and I was afraid you would be some hidden animal product in the bran flakes we just purchased. Thank you for being wheat + rye.

-AC

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Dear Uterus,

Please stop paining me for no reason other than you dislike fibroids as much as I do.  We only have to make it through one more month together before we sever this relationship.  Then I will never bother you again.

Thanks,
~Cali

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Dear hubbys waste of space best friend B-
Please don't ever come over my house again! I told you I don't like you, I haven't seen or heard a peep out of you for almost a glorious month! All of sudden you come over last night like the 'smoke' had cleared or something..... The smoke will never clear!!!! I do not like you, you are a waste of the air I breath, you annoying the living hell out of me and now I'm in a bad mood today.

-hubby's 'bitchy' wife

Dear hubby-
Please forgive me and try to be understanding when I tell you I do not want your waste of life friend over again.

-your misses

dear pooh bear,

can i ever relate to that!  there are wastes of space at my house alllll the time.  but bf finally realized the worst one was...the worst...and he's been cut out, thank goodness.  good luck with annoying friends of hubby.  that's a tough situation.

sincerely,
AP

Dear Allularpunk
Thank you, I knew you would understand! I don’t know that I will say anything at this point, but the next time hubby wants to invite him over I’m spilling my guts! He is NOT coming over my house again. If hubby wants to hang out with him from time to time they can go to his house!
So glad to here your waste of space will no longer be sharing the precious air you breathe!  ;)b I was wondering how your situation was going….

PB

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Dear yellow plums,

Why do you suck?  You looked so delicious at the market!

MDV

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Dear AC,

Two things.
First, to answer your question, no.  I still have to wait on Katie since I get paid enough to support the both of us.  She's actively looking, but not having much luck.
Second, I'm sorry that my attempt to make you laugh failed so miserably. :-[
Maybe I will succeed next time.

C.

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Dear PB,

Send it up and if I can't open it, I will let you know. ;)b

C.

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Dear anyone I may be forgetting to respond to,

Sorry.

C.

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Dear Redneck Neighbor,

If I see you chase after another black snake with a shovel, I will take it away from you and beat you with it.....Asshole!!  I hope you get lung cancer from all those nasty cigarettes and by the way, love the yellow teeth.

The Bitch

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Dear Manager,

Please hurry back from vacation so I can transfer units.

Sincerely,
>:(

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Dear Metabolism,
Get with the effing programme.
Wake up and smell the thyroid supplements.
WHEN are you going to realise how hard I am working to get in shape, and burn some of this fat?
I want results. Yesterday.
Angrily,
Me

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