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Open letters

Seeing as we've got confessions and problems and issues springing up in threads all over the shop, I thought it might be interesting to have an open letter thread. Cathartic, perhaps. From your mother ruining your wedding, to your boyfriend who can't stop peeing on the toilet seat, or even that guy on the bus who kept making that annoying noise with his mouth, get it out here.

I'll get the ball rolling.

To my dear darling boyfriend,

Just because you are technically 'clean' when you come out the shower, it doesn't mean that I am okay with using the same towel you've been rubbing all over yourself for a month. I know you have others. I bought you two myself. Drag them out from the murky depths of the laundry basket, wash them and allow me the temporary use of a clean one.

Love, Cat

Dear hh,

I'm not supposed to tell you, but someone told me he REALLY has a crush on you. He REALLY wants to spend more time with you. I think he's been feeling really jealous because of your relationship with diet coke. Please don't tell anyone, but..Water LOVES you!

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I always thought of water as female.  Still sounds good.  ^-^

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Dear Guitar Hero III,

Please don't be so hard on level medium. I'm new at this.

-AC

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Dear AC's facebook/myspace friends,

Do you get tired of seeing the same food pictures posted on VW, fb, and myspace?

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Dear open letter thread,

Why are you so addicting?

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I always thought of water as female.  Still sounds good.  ^-^

I really thought about doing he/she..but I thought that would take away from the humor (ousness?) of the letter.

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dear family,

why do you have to be so crappy to stay with, even for 4 days? why don't you just come visit me some time?

-hannah

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Dear hesp,

Do you feel like a changed person inside?

<3 AC

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dear AC,

maybe a bit... ya know how it takes a while to hit ya sometimes...

love, hannah

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Dear alcohol,

I am about to drink you. I haven't quite decided which style will grace my lips, but I just want to let you know that I love you.

Love,

base

p.s. Please don't give me a hangover. I said I loved you. Isn't that enough?

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Dear Sketchy,
A tissue box is not a toy nor is it something that you should rip apart and store pieces of in a corner like a hamster.  This is particularly unacceptable 20 minutes before the alarm goes off.
Su mama

Dear Husband,
When you know I have a gag reflex to the smell of popcorn, why would you bring it to bed when I'm trying to sleep then proceed to inform me that 'it's just popcorn' after I vomit?
Sincerely,
Loving wife

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Dear alcohol,

I am about to drink you. I haven't quite decided which style will grace my lips, but I just want to let you know that I love you.

Love,

base

p.s. Please don't give me a hangover. I said I loved you. Isn't that enough?

Hey, you took the words right out of my mouth! It's been that kind of day today...

AG-
Done.
-S

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Dear Sketchy,

You are much too big to be a hamster.  But you are cute.

Love,

:giraffe:

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Dear VegWeb,

Love you.

-AC

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dear AC,

i am so proud of you for hitting and surpassing my post count (and also probably having the highest post/day count on all of VW).

love, hesp.

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Dear hesp,

Thank you. I'm proud of your for biking across the country while I typed/posted. We should swap. I have a bike now!

P.S. Thank you for the postcard. Did you like my drawing of us eating together? <3 AC
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Dear hh,

Did you see my dream description with you in it?

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Dear hesp,

Thank you. I'm proud of your for biking across the country while I typed/posted. We should swap. I have a bike now!

P.S. Thank you for the postcard. Did you like my drawing of us eating together? <3 AC
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Dear hh,

Did you see my dream description with you in it?

dear AC,

i love the picture and i wouldn't swap. you should bike across the country yourself. you and patrick could do it together and you would have a blast.

love, hesp.

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Dear hesp,

That's what I meant. I will now bike, and you can post. I would love to bike across the country with P. I have been thinking about it, and it would be lovely. I've never biked more than like maybe..6-7 miles in a day though, so maybe I should do some more of that.

-AC

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dear AC,

6-7 miles is more than some people did before the trip that biked with me. how they did it i dunno, but we all got there.

love, hesp.

p.s. i had done a 'century' ride before the trip just to make sure i could do it, then they told us the longest day was going to be 125 miles and i got scared, but it was fun!

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Dear students,

i don't know how i can help you more. i do care and i do try. when i found the highest grade on your test (which i gave a study guide, allowed crib sheets, AND made it "more transparent" than the lasts) i about cried when the high score was 55%. i don't understand. do you read your books at all? do you read the questions? i feel like you are not putting any time into your studies. it makes me sad/mad/angry. please try to get your studies together.

thanks, and let me know if you have questions,
your (grossly underpaid) instructor

Dear Baypuppy--

I love reading your work-related threads b/c you always say what I'm thinking. And you get bonus points for the Andrew Cherlin shoutout on the gender thread (he was my dept. chair way back when... sadly I never got a class w/him.)

--Caroleena.

Dear graduate students--

Thank you so much for being so fun, engaging, and gosh darn smart during a very whirlwind summer session. The world needs more professionals like you.

--Dr. Caroleena

Dear tomatoes--

Please don't look so delicious on the shelf, for such a low price. Now I'm stuck with a full bag of you that I must magically eat in the next 48 hours.

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dear caroleena,

tomatoes are delicious plain. if you don't think so you can send some over to me.

love, hesp.

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dear gross soy milk that was in my parents fridge,

how do you magically taste good when i add cocoa and agave to you? thank you for your flexibility.

love, hesp.

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dear caroleena,

tomatoes are delicious plain. if you don't think so you can send some over to me.

love, hesp.

Hesp--raw tomatoes are the best--all they need is a little shake of salt! But they're competing for space on my plate with the beets I got, and the corn I got, and the too-many peaches, and cucumbers (SO many cukes!) and bananas, and cherries...

Hmm...

Dear tomatoes--

Please forward my previous letter to all your produce buddies. I don't think you'll still all be so delicious when I get back from vacation. In fact, many of you will be squishy and moldy. So, why do you tempt me so when I'm on a deadline?!?

Caroleena

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