Open letters
Seeing as we've got confessions and problems and issues springing up in threads all over the shop, I thought it might be interesting to have an open letter thread. Cathartic, perhaps. From your mother ruining your wedding, to your boyfriend who can't stop peeing on the toilet seat, or even that guy on the bus who kept making that annoying noise with his mouth, get it out here.
I'll get the ball rolling.
To my dear darling boyfriend,
Just because you are technically 'clean' when you come out the shower, it doesn't mean that I am okay with using the same towel you've been rubbing all over yourself for a month. I know you have others. I bought you two myself. Drag them out from the murky depths of the laundry basket, wash them and allow me the temporary use of a clean one.
Love, Cat
Dear George Bush (Jr.),
Please go back to school.
Sincerely,
Charbot
Dear George Bush (Jr.),
Please go back to school.
Sincerely,
Charbot
So he can do more coke?
Dear Bladder,
You need to be stronger so that you don't have to pee every ten minutes, k thanks bye!
love,
ariana
Dear George Bush (Jr.),
Please go back to school and get an education this time around.
Sincerely,
Charbot
So he can do more coke?
Dear Wii Fit board,
I'm sorry that I never bought the protective cover for you. I'm sure you don't enjoy having feet prints stained on your white plastic skin. I try to wipe you off, but you are tattooed. Additionally, I wish you had a larger vocabulary.
-AC (you know me as Weasiepea)
Dear body,
STOP IT.
Cat.
To my Latissimus Dorsi, greeting:
What did I ever do to you to make you hurt me like this? If I can't even carry the shopping up 2 flights, you are in major trouble. Or rather I am.
Treat me the way you want to be treated, muscles mine.
Not so much love,
Me
Dear George Bush (Jr.),
Please go back to school.
Sincerely,
Charbot
So he can do more coke?
I would do coke with GWB.
Dear George Bush (Jr.),
Please go back to school.
Sincerely,
Charbot
So he can do more coke?
I would do coke with GWB.
haha. that would be fucking weird/crazy/mindblowing
Dear George Bush (Jr.),
Please go back to school.
Sincerely,
Charbot
So he can do more coke?
I would do coke with GWB.
haha. that would be fucking weird/crazy/mindblowing
Right?! I don't even do coke,but I would.... with GWB. Wanna join? :)>>>
Dear IBS-
Why oh WHY must you have fits after my favorite indian feast the night before. I show you much love with tasty, yet spicy, indian feast and you cause me great pain the next day. Tonight I will feed you bland, veg shepard's pie..... I hope this will make you happy and the fits will stop..... IBS you are so needy....
with (not so much) love-
PB
Dear Creepy MySpace Stalker--
Stop.
Thank you!
Dear Creepy MySpace Stalker--
Stop.
Thank you!
you have a my space stalker? yikes... :o
Dear George Bush (Jr.),
Please go back to school.
Sincerely,
Charbot
So he can do more coke?
I would do coke with GWB.
haha. that would be fucking weird/crazy/mindblowing
Right?! I don't even do coke,but I would.... with GWB. Wanna join? :)>>>
only for you georgie! heh
AG-
*This* is why I haven't gotten in touch with you in a week. You are PLAYING GAMES WITH ME and you know I don't deal with that bullshit. See you around.
-S
dear c.b.i.h.a.c.o.:
i'm scared and anxious, but thoroughly enjoying every interaction. i hope this doesn't wind up hurting but maintaining its super feel-good excitement. i like the giddiness. i hope i don't succumb to too much distraction, but you keep creeping into my mind.
nervously into it,
q.b.
dear professor of horrible final:
holy cow! that was a shitton of writing and a whole lot of pressure! the final essay was a real kicker. i hope you grade the exam essays more leniently than our out-of-class essays and research paper; it was just a heckuvalot to cram into one final. but i'm so glad it's done - no offense to you.
i did all the readings and all the homework all semester long,
q.b.
dear awesome and amazing sibling:
i am so proud of you. you totally rule and i love you so much my heart wants to burst. i can't wait to have a beer with you. i hope you remain strong and on your righteous path, in touch with your potential and the real you. you are going to have an amazing life; i hope you realize that.
the most love on the planet,
q.b.
dear tecate:
thank you for waiting for me, patiently chill, while i took that exam. let's totally hang out.
love,
q.b.
dear tecate:
thank you for waiting for me, patiently chill, while i took that exam. let's totally hang out.
love,
q.b.
This is a beautiful letter.
Dear Creepy MySpace Stalker--
Stop.
Thank you!
you have a my space stalker? yikes... :o
Yeah...a little bit...hoping they are mostly harmless *eek*!
Dear Argeny,
I'm sorry that you have a hard time following what is going in class because you speak mostly Spanish and I speak English. I wish I had more time to spend with you individually so I could help you out better. You are so, so smart. I hope you get a kick out of my very bad Spanish. Thank you for teaching me that it is "negativo tres" and not "tres negativo." I hope that you never have to be in a class again where the entire class is held in English and you are just forced to watch and follow as best you can. You are my very first favorite student!
Love,
Miss H.
P.S. Please stop calling Walter crazy.
Dear off at 5 o'clock work people,
Plz don't hit me and/or my bike.
-A
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