You are here

Support from Family - My Venting!

Recently, this summer I finally decided to become a veggie.  I was hardly eating meat as is... for obvious reasons.  I've tried in the past when I was a teenager, but I couldn't keep to my my beliefs very long, the peer pressure was hard.  Now as an adult I do what I want. 

I'm finding a lot of family or friends poke alittle fun,or smirk at me, when they eat meat around me, crack jokes and say "oh yeah you don't eat meat anymore"... Stupid things, that are little idiotic behaviors, but they bother me.  Only because I feel they are my family/friends and they should support my beliefs, or at least not mimic me/poke fun at me. 

Going to friends' houses for dinner, they always have steaks, chcken, pork, the obvious potatoes, and some veggies.  they look at me and ask, well what are you going to eat?  Like I should've brought my own food.  I feel like saying to them, "Maybe next time you invite me over, make a veggie pasta!"  Or something!!!!!!!!!    So I sit and eat a plate full of potatoes and 3 helpings of brocoli (which I absolutely love anyway).  I feel alone in a way, as I have no other friends that are vegetarian or vegan.  I live in a smaller city, compared to where I used to live a year ago, (before liberating myself to the Veggie world)... So I don't even know if we have Veggie cooking classes, or anything like that, where I could meet other interesting people. 

Where do I find these things?  Did any of you go through this too?

It gets easier....don't let this slow you down!
Actually, things like this will keep happening, but as time goes on you will be more prepared (with what to say, or even with your own food). I usually check ahead and see if there will be anything for me to eat, and if not, bring my own.

At first, I really was seeking out people with similar interests, and thinking I had to get involved with veg-things in the area, but after finding vegweb I feel this need has been met, and I really don't feel the need to seek out veg-happenings, people, etc....as much. I do attend the occasional veg-potluck or playgroup, but I am so used to the diet and all the social situations now that I don't really think about it too much.

I am a bit worried about my parents' visit this weekend and whether or not my dad will try to eat some gross meat on my BRAND NEW counter tops..... :-\  I will be putting up with many looks, sighs, and belittling comments from him, but I'm a big girl now and I can take it!  ;)

0 likes

btw, welcome to vegweb! (l2a posted while i typed.. i'm not going to reedit!)

i think what you talk about is a common "joy" of being veggie. a lot of people are idiots when it comes to accepting veggies, that is all i can say. it dies off after a while, especially if you don't feed it (they are like trolls... don't feed the trolls!)

a couple points to help with things:

1. veggie harrassment. ignore them or ask that they not make those comments. you are being "polite" by not pointing out (as many of us likely would want to do!) that they are eating dead animals, etc. it is, in return, considerate for them to not harrass you about what you eat.

2. eating with friends/family: asking if you can bring some food over is always a good idea, regardless of if they will say okay or not. bring food for yourself anyways. i have asked what is on the menu before but, luckily, most of my omni friends out here are very nice and sensitive to my vegan ways and usually cook a vegan meal or mostly vegan meal. sometimes i think people "forget" that we veggies exist and just invite us out of habit. i had a friend call and invite me over for indian food he was cooking. cool! i asked what he was making and he was like, ohhhh ... right... uh, chicken. and then he added that i could bring over something and then apologized when i get there with my lentil makins. i don't think people think a lot about feeding others (outside of "everyone likes a bbq! or whatever). eating before you go is also another trick a lot of people use (then you can say, "i already ate dinner!").

i do think the first bit of time is harder, while people come to realize that your SERIOUS that you're not eating meat, etc anymore. for me, it has gotten easier over the years. i eat with my friends quite often and i think that helps them see that just because i'm vegan it doesn't mean i can't eat.... it shows them that i eat what they eat, just "minus the death" as i like to say  ;)

0 likes

stay strong!  i've been veg for 11 years and my big brother will still randomly make some dumb comment like ''mmm doesn't that meat look good?"  i roll my eyes at him which i think reminds him that he's being totally immature like he was 11 years ago.  It doesn't upset me really, but if what your family does bothers you, make it known.  calmly approach them at a time when they're not poking at you and tell them your honest feelings.  if you come across heartfelt and tell them that their teasing really causes you pain they'll listen and hopefully see that what they're doing is wrong.  i'm sure your family just doesnt know how to deal with your decision and they're going about it the only way many people know how to deal with things that are different than what they choose.  Also, don't be afraid to tell them that you need their support and that if you don't feel like you have it then you will look elsewhere for it and if that happens they can expect to not see you around as much.  therefore, if they love you and want your company they should give you the love and support that you would give them if they needed it.  don't cave to them!  and next time do bring your own food to your friends house (or ask ahead of time what they'll be serving).. that may be what they need to see to show them that you are strong in your convictions and they'll probably even feel silly for not making something simple to accomodate you.  you can do it!!

0 likes

About family and friends that make comments:  Kick 'em in the shins.  Well, not yet.  They're being jerks, but they probably don't realize it.  So tell them.  If they continue, then you're free to kick them in the shins.  Totally vegan, I checked.

Social gatherings:  Eat before the gathering, or bring your own food. 

Meeting other veg*ns:  You figure any secrets out for that, let me know.  I've Vegweb friends.  I'm pretty happy with that. 

0 likes

I, too, think you should bring a dish along with you so at least you'll have something to eat that you know you like- and eat before you go.  I always eat before I go to a meat eater's house because you never know, they just might be serving pork chops and beans with meat in them.  Just smile at the people who make fun.  They'll get tired of it sooner or later and leave you alone.

0 likes

My little sister became a vegetarian long before me, and I used to tease her quite a bit about her picky eating habits. Then I wised up, learned some things about nutrition, learned some things about the environmental impact and general vileness of the meat industry, learned how to shop and how to cook... so I took back all those teasing comments and became vegan myself! Now we get a kick out of sharing recipes and making fun of the rest of the meat-loving family together. The moral of my story is: just give it some time, they just might come around to understanding your point of view.

Also, I used this site to find vegan foods available in my area: http://www.localharvest.org/

0 likes

Slightly (well, OK, very :)) offtopic...Boomerang, I love your avatar!!

0 likes

Slightly (well, OK, very :)) offtopic...Boomerang, I love your avatar!!

OMG that's so cute!  ;D

0 likes

Dear Nutmeg,

What you are going through is something that happens no matter where you live.  I live in a city with millions of people and after 13 years of being veg I still don't know that many other people who are, even though there are definitely lots of other veggies here.  You don't need friends who are veg--you just need good friends. 

And family--forget it.  Bring your own food.  Better yet, bring a dish that that you can share.  Even if they don't eat it, or eat it and make a face, at least YOU will have something to eat.  And chances are there is someone who will try it and like it.  And if they give you a hard time about your " special" diet, just tell them chickpeas are for everyone.

0 likes

Well it does suck but most of us go through the same crap.  I try to be kind, and point out how much better I feel since becoming meat-free.
Sometimes though I do get irritated & tell them they can have all the dead flesh I'm not eating!
:-[
I went to a birthday gathering a couple of weekends ago, and picked up some yummy veggie treats on my way there: hummus, carrot sticks & pita chips.
The grub at my friend's house consisted of chili, beef stew, hot wings, and a veggie tray.
Believe it or not, at the end of the evening, the chili & stew looked almost untouched, but all the veggie stuff I brought was gone!  And most of the veggie tray too.  I thought that was pretty cool, and I didn't even push how good my food was-it spoke for itself!

Hang in there...we're all here for you to vent about living amongst omnis & their silly comments. 

0 likes

stay strong!  i've been veg for 11 years and my big brother will still randomly make some dumb comment like ''mmm doesn't that meat look good?"  

my brother does that too! some people just don't learn...

0 likes

i don't remember who told me this, it was probably on a thread here.  but it really helps to not discuss your diet over dinner.  if someone talks about what you are eating in a rude way, just say something like "i don't think it's appropriate to talk about this right now"  when you are eating at a friend's house,  jsut be very polite, and if there are questions, offer to talk about it after dinner and change the subject. 
often people just want to poke fun for the sensational value, and they will leave you alone after that.  BUT, if they genuinely are interested in what you eat they will be happy to talk about it another time

0 likes

I, too, usually bring a dish or two - just in case.

0 likes

Slightly (well, OK, very :)) offtopic...Boomerang, I love your avatar!!

OMG that's so cute!  ;D

;D ;D

0 likes

I don't blame you for being frustrated.  And irritated!  I ran a post about this exact dilemma a couple of weeks ago.  I'm already getting grief about Thanksgiving and Christmas- mainly because I do all the cooking in my family.  Since I try to be objective and not judgemental toward people who eat meat, I've decided to still cook the meals.  That said, I will be eating my own veggie food and fully expect to hear the usual comments.  For me, the best approach is to just ignore it.  Eventually, the others will either come around and respect your feelings or they will just give up with the combative dialog due to you not responding.  I know it's easy to be drawn in and want to argue back, but nothing good will come from it.  Just feel proud and good about yourself that you've chosen a path in life that will not only promote a healthier body but will have deeper meaning when it comes to the ethical treatment of animals.  Stay strong!  You have my support.

0 likes

I always eat something before I go someplace. Its about the people not the food right?

0 likes

their are always going to be people that say stupid things because well... their stupid... i ignore it because i know why i am vegan and i believe in it... what make fun of u for loving animals and being a compassionate person? whatever u live a great lifestyle and lots of good karma will come your way for it... and u will most likely live longer for your healthy food choices... give girl friends/ relatives a copy of Skinny Bitch and maybe they will see the light

0 likes

my mother is a chef at a higher end hotel. She cooks mostly meats all day. She makes fun of me whenever she gets a chance and says "oh yeah I forgot you're vegan" and then laughs at me, and walks away. Her bf does the same thing. My motherinlaw pretends to hard to care, and the rest of my inlaws don't like me anyways.

My step son supports me and is the first one to tell people, no, we don't want flesh thank you. Even though he eats animal bi-products all the time at this moms, he still is smart enough to have some respect. And frankly that is sad because a 10 year old has more manners then most people i meet day to day.

And yes it is hard to sit and watch other people eat something you choose not to, but its something I'm sorry to say you'll have to deal with, I am just now coming to terms with it. I try to eat before I go to a dinner with omnis so I'm not as hungry. Usually there isn't much for me so I don't feel so bad.

For my husband its not as hard because he doesn't have any moral qualms with eating meat, and he doesn't really care. But while we're eating at home hes vegan, and most of the time when hes out in public. But sometimes he caves in. I figure its better then eating animal bi-products all the time.

My grandma used to tell me something when I was growing up that has stuck with me, and its the best piece of advice I can give anyone and its this: As long as you're happy with what you're doing and who you are, It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

ps... Don't worry about not having veggie friends, now that you're here You'll make lots, and I'll be your friend if you want  :)>>>

0 likes

oh god i wanted to punch my grandpa in the face today... "So is turkey vegan?" i shot him the meanest look i could give him and said that's a really stupid thing to say! what an ass

0 likes

Usually I take several things to T'giving @ my inlaws', even if I'm 'told' not to/ that there will be stuff there I will like... this year everything was all messed up-- my aunt passed away late last week, so I cooked T'giving dinner for MY fam Sunday; then we went to NC for the funeral, & came back through GA to have T'giving lunch today w/ inlaws: so I had NOTHING prepared (I did eat snacks on way there, tho!)... well, of ALL the things laid out on this HUGE table, here's what went on my plate: cranberry sauce. Yep, just cranberry sauce-- and only b/c I could tell that it was canned: if homemade, I'm sure someone would have found a way to get some animal fat in there! (I don't think I'm kidding...) Hopefully there wasn't unvegan sugar in there; it was the best I could do under the circumstances-- in all seriousness, there was NOTHING else there that wasn't soaked in butter/ turkey juice/ etc... in vain, I had hoped for at least a bit of tossed salad! But anyway...

Here's what's cool: no one said a word about it, or tried to put anything else on my plate, or told me 'just a little bit won't hurt you,' or told me that 'that's what God put animals here *for*,'or  any of that crap! Married 5 years... & this is a new phenomenon!

So... maybe it gets better?! I don't want to count my tofickens before they... um... are pressed between paper towels... but I'm almost, sort of, cautiously optimistic. Maybe, just maybe, it's possible to reach an understanding? Eventually?! Someday?!

... here's hopin'!

0 likes

Pages

Log in or register to post comments