You are here

Why women are crabby...a joke

Saw this in another forum and had to share:

Why Women Are Crabby
We started to "bud" in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find that anything that came in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurt so bad it brought us to tears. So came the ridiculously uncomfortable training bra contraption that the boys in school would snap until we had calluses on our backs.
  This is a Trip! It's real!                                 
 

Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along with those budding boobs, we bloated, we cramped, we got the hormone crankies, had to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert tubular, packed cotton rods in places we didn't even know we had.
   

Our next little rite of passage (premarital or not) was having sex for the first time which was about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus through your nostrils (IF he did it right and didn't end up with his little cart before his horse), leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about.
   
 
                 
Then it' was off to Motherhood where we learned to live on dry crackers and water for a few months so we didn't spend the entire day leaning over Brother John. Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we are), we learned to live with the growing little angels inside us steadily kicking our innards night and day making us wonder if we were preparing to have Rosemary's Baby.
                       

Our once flat bellies looked like we swallowed a watermelon whole and we pee'd our pants every time we sneezed. When the big moment arrived, the dam in our blessed Nether Regions invariably burst right in the middle of the mall and we had to waddle, with our big cartoon feet, moaning in pain all the way to the ER.
     
 
     
Then it was huff and puff and beg to die while the OB says, "Please stop screaming, Mrs. Hearmeroar.  Calm down and push.  Just one more good push (more like 10)," warranting a strong, well-deserved impulse to punch the %*#!* (and hubby) square in the nose for making us cram a wiggling, mushroom-headed 10lb bowling ball through a keyhole.
 

After that, it was time to raise those angels only to find that when all that "cute" wears off, the beautiful little darlings morphed into walking, jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop machines.
       

Then come their "Teen Years."  Need I say more?
           
               
When the kids are almost grown, we women hit our voracious sexual prime in our early 40's - while hubby had his somewhere around his 18th birthday.
 

So we progress into the grand finale: "The Menopause," the Grandmother of all womanhood. It's either take HRT and chance cancer in those now seasoned "buds" or the aforementioned Nether Regions, or, sweat like a hog in July, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the head off anything that moves.
 

Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men, when men get off so easy, INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being able to pee in the woods without soaking their socks...
                   

So, while I love being a woman, "Womanhood" would make the Great Gandhi a tad crabby. Women are the "weaker sex"?  Yeah right.  Bite me.

LOL! thats awesome:p

0 likes

That's a little silly, because we don't ALL want kids.
I know it's supposed to be humorous, but I really wish people would stop assuming that all young women are future mothers.

0 likes

Yeah it's a pretty negative and sexist joke actually.  Not all women are "crabby", nor are they simply here to breed.

That's a little silly, because we don't ALL want kids.
I know it's supposed to be humorous, but I really wish people would stop assuming that all young women are future mothers.

0 likes

That's a little silly, because we don't ALL want kids.
I know it's supposed to be humorous, but I really wish people would stop assuming that all young women are future mothers.

Although this is true (I don't want kids). BUT I AM crabby during that time of the month. The first part, I found funny, because it happened to me. The kid part, I don't know about. My humor can be a little "twisted" somethimes. Then again, I work in a machine shop with a bunch of cranky men  ;D Well, not all of them, but you do have to put up with the cranky ones, too. They can be worse than women on their worse bout of PMS, believe me!  :o  ;D

0 likes

i like the end!  i certainly don't think there is such a thing as a weaker sex, but it just makes me hate that saying even more.  i also dont want kids and started crying when i had a possible pregnancy thinking 'my life is over!!!' BUT other than that.  we still go through a lot of crap just for that baby stuff.  gross.  i dont even want one.  not fair.  you gotta go to the doctor all the time.  deal with infections all the time.  blah blah blah.  my bf has never even been to the doctor for his junk, sometimes i wish he got a yeast infection every month so he could be a little bit more understanding.  grrr.

this kind of reminds me of the vagina monolouges.  at least the wad of dry cotton thing.

0 likes

As a 54 year old woman who went through all of those stages, I love this!

0 likes

it is pretty heterosexist and negative towards women's bodies.... just MHO.

it really seem to try to justify stereotypes of women.... that there is something "biological" about us that makes us such pains. i can't handle that, i don't think it is that funny.

females are biologically more resilient than males. higher survival rate (live longer, less likely to die in youth from both natural and unnatural causes)

0 likes

it is pretty heterosexist and negative towards women's bodies.... just MHO.

it really seem to try to justify stereotypes of women.... that there is something "biological" about us that makes us such pains. i can't handle that, i don't think it is that funny.

females are biologically more resilient than males. higher survival rate (live longer, less likely to die in youth from both natural and unnatural causes)

Thanks friends. I read it several days ago and felt pretty Queen Victoria about it, actually. We were not amused. As I told someone who tried to talk me out of a tubal ligation when I'd already been married for 20 yrs (half my life at the time): my identity as a person is not directly linked to my reproductive capacity. But then, I'm a child of the 70s.

And I've had enough periods that left me in bed with severe pain and a fever to not find any "PMS jokes" amusing.

But then I'm old, eccentric and cynical.

0 likes

it is pretty heterosexist and negative towards women's bodies.... just MHO.

But then I'm old, eccentric and cynical.

But we love you!

0 likes

Our next little rite of passage (premarital or not) was having sex for the first time which was about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus through your nostrils (IF he did it right and didn't end up with his little cart before his horse), leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about.

oh, believe me, i KNOW what all the fuss is about.  i'm sorry, if you are a woman, and you don't enjoy sex, you and your partner need to see a sex therapist. 

yeah i find this slightly offensive. 

0 likes

Our next little rite of passage (premarital or not) was having sex for the first time which was about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus through your nostrils (IF he did it right and didn't end up with his little cart before his horse), leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about.

oh, believe me, i KNOW what all the fuss is about.  i'm sorry, if you are a woman, and you don't enjoy sex, you and your partner need to see a sex therapist. 

yeah i find this slightly offensive. 

the first time???

But yeah, I'm with those that find this sexist

0 likes

ok i guess the first time is generally wierd.  i was thinking more in the long term relationship sense.  which i guess is off anyways

0 likes

Aww, I feel bad.  Snowqueen was trying to make us laugh.  Thanks for that Snowqueen.  ;)

0 likes

my post wasn't intended to boo this, but it is my thoughts.....

as a queer women living in a society that assumes my first sexual expirance "was about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus through your nostrils (IF he did it right and didn't end up with his little cart before his horse)"

i guess i kind of like it when people point out problems with things. i don't like it when it is assumed that everyone's straight and on the "baby wagon" (which the joke, writen by mystery person x, does)

0 likes

lol!! Hahahahahahah OMG THIS WAS SO FUNNY!!!!! HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAH

I do think it's really funny, but I think I need to overly "el oh el" at this to compensate for the over-analytical responses I've read! :-D  ...and the ones that will inevitably follow!!!

It's a joke!

Hahahahahahahahahahahaha srsly though, made me smile heh.

0 likes

we're all competent to know that its a joke..... that isn't the issue.

i guess having two degrees in women's studies... i just don't find things like this all that funny....

i do, however, find 'breeder' jokes funny... but then again i guess i have poor, contradictory tastes.

0 likes

we're all competent to know that its a joke..... that isn't the issue.

i guess having two degrees in women's studies... i just don't find things like this all that funny....

i do, however, find 'breeder' jokes funny... but then again i guess i have poor, contradictory tastes.

i don't find it amusing either, but i often don't find things amusing that other people somehow do (i don't understand how some people find the things they find funny funny, honestly). i agree that it is too "this is what women do/must be subjected to, otherwise your not a woman" -- i hate shit like that.

edit: i honestly didn't even read this thread until now just because the title got me a little steamed. maybe i am just sensitive to stuff like this.

0 likes

I'm sorry but I found this hilarious.  Thanks snowqueen.  I simply took it as what is was intended for...a joke.  I've heard worse sexist jokes.

0 likes

well, at least we can all admit, despite our differences, that in the end it is a sexist joke.

i was thinking about saby's response (and mine) in bed last night (yeah... no wonder i have vegweb dreams). the issue is that sexism is still "embedded" enough in our culture that, while we might recognize it in life and in jokes, i guess we often feel to powerless or silenced to saying anything about it. even hearing "worse" jokes (can you give an example? where is the line?) doesn't necessarily make this "better" because it isn't "as bad".

on the other hand, if someone had posted a joke or comments that were racist, etc, i don't think people would post "well, LOL, it was funny and just a joke". we might find them amusing in our own minds, but in the end it is sexism AND heterosexism. as women, though, i really think we are socialized to "accept" our lives (and the "crap" we're expected to "put up with" as a part of being "women" in western culture).

perhaps this should be retitled "why PMSing, gender conventional breeder women are crabby" ....  i don't care to reproduce assumptions--as jokes or not-- that undermind and trivialize women's lives and the diversity of desires and expirances they have.

(and SQ, i don't have hard feeling towards you for posting this. i just think that this is an important discourse to be having on here... since we are all trying to improve our lives though our diet and compassions.)

0 likes
Log in or register to post comments