What would you say in this situation?
Posted by dannibazaar on May 29, 2010 · Member since May 2009 · 547 posts
I've been growing very distant from this friend within the past year since parting ways and attending university. But for a while we still used to talk online (facebook, mostly). Somehow, we got into a disagreement at some point in time and we no longer talk, civilly. Now every time I post something about veganism on my page, or whenever I update my blog she says something derogatory about my being vegan, and just about me in general. A real friend wouldn't call another friend a "pretentious, hipster-bitch." It's just getting to bother me. Should I simply ignore her, or stick up for myself. No matter what I say, she finds something very negative to say in rebuttal.
I say you should move on. Friends shouldn't be saying that kind of crap to each other--and I'm sure you haven't given her reason to have her call you that. Honestly, it sounds like she's just a tad bit childish. I wouldn't waste your time with her, if I were you.
In any case, I just went through something very similar to this myself. It was very liberating to tell that old 'friend' to take a hike. Maybe it will be liberating for you, too.
Best of luck with all of this. I know it's a hard decision to make.
You can remove people from your facebook. Send her a civil message about your concerns. If she doesn't stop or isn't willing to work it out, remove her as a friend. You shouldn't put up with abuse. It may seem harsh but it might me the only way for her to learn that acting that way isn't acceptable.
yeah, she sounds whack, I would remove her. If thats her way to 'connect' with you, by putting you down, then she probably isn't worth it. There are some people that say really lame things and pretend they are kidding, now I can take a joke with the best of them, but the things she said I would take as offensive.
Sometimes people perceive judgment where none is intended... Probably that person's comments have more to do with herself/ himself than with you... If it's a person who has been important to you in the past, I'd contact him/her personally/ non-publicly (PM/ email/ phone/ etc) & say,'hey, I just wanted to talk to you about this; I'm not sure I understand where you're coming from, and I just want to say that your friendship means something to me, and if we have a problem let's talk about it; if we don't, then what's with the snarky comments?'
If it's more of an acquaintance sort of relationship... just hit delete! There are SO many humans on the planet... why affiliate with those who annoy you?! If it's a casual/ non significant relationship, ditch it and focus on nicer 'friends'... no need putting effort into relationships that cause more aggro than anything else; there's plenty enough hassles in the world, without taking on optional ones!
Thanks for the advice, guys :) What I think I'm going to do is wait it out a little bit, and if she continues to attack my ideals, I'll talk to her about it. See, she was my best friend all throught my years in high school...and i didn't want to lose her as a friend when we graduated. So...we'll see. I may just have to cut her off...sad to say :\
Poison that bitch.
^LOL^
I'd just delete AND block her. That isn't a real friend and she's being extremely immature about things. The good thing about Facebook is that when you block someone they can't see anything of yours (they can't even find you in search) and you can't see anything of theirs.
Poison that bitch.
LMAO!
Anyways! We haven't talked for a long time, and that includes her mean comments to me. Sadly, I have another friend who she has started being all mean and judgemental towards because she decided to go vegan (yaay for B going vegan!! *ahem* I digress). I wish she could just keep those opinions to herself.
Poison that bitch.
LMAO!
Anyways! We haven't talked for a long time, and that includes her mean comments to me. Sadly, I have another friend who she has started being all mean and judgemental towards because she decided to go vegan (yaay for B going vegan!! *ahem* I digress). I wish she could just keep those opinions to herself.
I don't understand what the problem is. Your friend goes vegan, so what? It doesn't affect her at all. All of my friends are meat eaters (except for one vegetarian) and they don't care because it doesn't have anything to do with them.
Poison that bitch.
LMAO!
Anyways! We haven't talked for a long time, and that includes her mean comments to me. Sadly, I have another friend who she has started being all mean and judgemental towards because she decided to go vegan (yaay for B going vegan!! *ahem* I digress). I wish she could just keep those opinions to herself.
I don't understand what the problem is. Your friend goes vegan, so what? It doesn't affect her at all. All of my friends are meat eaters (except for one vegetarian) and they don't care because it doesn't have anything to do with them.
No, no, no. Different friend. The one that was b***ing at me for being vegan is doing the same with another one of my friends who has decided to go veg. I wish that my one friend didn't make our veganism out as a big deal - the point is that it shouldn't have anything to do with her, which is why it is upsetting that she judges us because we're vegans.
I'm in the "cut her out" contingency. There's no reason to associate with people who make you feel bad or constantly put you on defense. I lost a good friend from high school once we went to college for an infinite number of reasons. It's always sad to lose friends or lose contact with people you were once close to, but you have the fond memories. like hotcooknmama said, there's so many people in the world. so many good, fun, respectful people in the world.
I say everytime she "comments" about you being a vegan send her some vegan recipes.
You might as well have some laughs over it.
Poison that bitch.
LMAO!
Anyways! We haven't talked for a long time, and that includes her mean comments to me. Sadly, I have another friend who she has started being all mean and judgemental towards because she decided to go vegan (yaay for B going vegan!! *ahem* I digress). I wish she could just keep those opinions to herself.
I don't understand what the problem is. Your friend goes vegan, so what? It doesn't affect her at all. All of my friends are meat eaters (except for one vegetarian) and they don't care because it doesn't have anything to do with them.
No, no, no. Different friend. The one that was b***ing at me for being vegan is doing the same with another one of my friends who has decided to go veg. I wish that my one friend didn't make our veganism out as a big deal - the point is that it shouldn't have anything to do with her, which is why it is upsetting that she judges us because we're vegans.
Yeah, I know, that's what I was talking about. Just end your "relationship" with her, she's obviously not your friend because if she was than she would respect you and not act like such a child.
Ah, face book the devils networking sight. Personally I would just delete my face book account because I think it and twitter are the most ridiculous things ever created. I could care less that someone is eating an orange, sunglasses shopping... But thats just me. If you can't live with out the face book I think I would just delete her. If she feels like trying to fix the situation she put herself in then she will find a way to get into contact with you. There is no sense hanging out with anyone who doesn't contribute something positive to your life or make you feel happy and secure when your around them.
I'm kind of going through the same thing with my two best friends. Friend A and I have been best friends since 7th grade and we were pretty good friends until about two years ago when she met current douche bag boyfriend/husband? Now she lives two hours away and has changed all the things that she once believed in and cared about and now acts kind of like a snotty bitch. The last couple of times I saw her it was just awkward and not fun. I haven't talked to her in about 2 months or so since she asked me to meet up at the bar and she never showed or called or anything. Before that it was like pulling teeth to get her to call me back so I just stopped trying. I just kind of felt like we grew apart and nothing thats important to me or interesting to me is to her. I feel like its over but neither of us have said it yet or may ever. I'm not going to make it into a big thing I think I'm just done with her. No negativity, just done.
My second best friend I have known since second grade but lately I have been drifting apart from her too. Now she is more interested in going out to really lame bars and listening to shitty music and acting like a bitch (harsh I know but really). I put up with it for a while but after I voiced that I wasn't having fun she kind of got a little mad. I explained that it wasn't her I just didn't enjoy paying 10 bucks to get into a club and have douche bag frat boys trying to grind me while miley cyrus is playing. I made it clear that I wasn't going to those bars anymore and for a while she was fine but kind of only called me to hang out when she was fighting with her sister (who goes to said clubs with her). Whenever I go out to the bars that I like (more dive,live music, shitty beer) she never comes. I just don't feel like I have anything in common with either of them anymore other than what we used to have. I don't now if I "give up" to early on friendships but honestly I don't see the point in hanging around people who don't share interests and make me happy. So, now I'm moving on in search of the things I like and if there are people I connect with then awesome. My advice to you is to think about the way she makes you feel, do you have similar interests/goals, do you have fun when you hang out together, what positive things does she contribute to your life? If it comes down to you just keeping her around because you have known her along time then get rid of her. Life's too short and you seem to be moving forward while she is stuck in the same place. Sorry for the rant. Best luck on your friend situation.
Possible caveat: in following this thread, this thought has occurred to me...
I'm not who I was when I was 20; in all likelihood, neither is anyone else, and niether will your friend be. So, I stand by prior comments; there's no payoff in linking up w/ folks determined to introduce negativity to your world. But... I have some good friends (and a spouse!) I was sure I was done-with-and-good-riddance 15 years ago... so, maybe there's a case to be made for disconnecting but gently; maybe she's just going through something and will get on the other side, & will be a worthwhile friend again someday -- who knows?! so, maybe, leave; but leave the bridge up. "I don't understand why you seem to have a problem with me right now; I don't need that in my world... but if you ever wanna talk about it, I'm open." Something like that... people CAN change; you just don't wanna COUNT on it. :-\
OR.. u know... there's the 'poison' option... Whatever -- tomato, tomahto!
Just thinkin' out loud...er... out post.
She's probably already poisoning herself with the meat and dairy that she eats but that's another story..... ;)
I agree with those who say, give her a miss. Just drop her, unfriend her on FB and don't respond to any digs you hear of from other sources.
Samuel Johnson said, "The value of friendship lies not in number but in their worth and choice." Which being interpreted means, don't waste your time on angry people who can't be tall unless they cut your head off.
If you don't want to completely remove her as a friend, you can block her from seeing your wall posts or your wall entirely. Then maybe you can send her a message & explain why. I'd probably just block her view of my wall, though, without a long explanation because I guess I'm passive-aggressive on Facebook & just don't want to deal with that shit. Not too long ago, one of my acquaintances starting posting rude comments on everything vegan-related I would post, so I told him he was being a dick & blocked him from seeing/posting on my wall. I figured he got the hint...
I like SB's suggestion, too, though. ;D
I agree with the "unfriend" her advice. My firends occasionally give me a hard time about my veganism, but they get used to it because I talk about it a lot since I like to cook and post food porn. They usually move on. No one though has been ugly or call names, because friends don't do that to other friends.
...I'm not who I was when I was 20; in all likelihood, neither is anyone else, and niether will your friend be. So, I stand by prior comments; there's no payoff in linking up w/ folks determined to introduce negativity to your world. But...
Thumbs up to the above post. People do change and relationships come and go. I found out a couple of my friends were actually quite mean people when I went vegan. I also found out they were no longer my friends. Not because they disagreed with me, but because they were just mean.
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