You are here

Steak at after someone has died? Your thoughts...

Curious as to your thoughts.

Several years ago my mother died.  I am OK, you don't have to give me condolences, just giving that part of information as part of the story.

After she died, we as a family got together to talk. The hostess (won't say which family member) made like 15 grilled steaks for the affair.  This was like the day after she passed away.

The mood was one of shock and sadness mostly.

I had definite thoughts about this food choice for various reasons.    I didn't say anything and never plan to I just always thought that grilled steaks after a prominant family member dies communicates the wrong message.

I won't share what I think yet...just curious what you think. Does it strike you as a strange choice after someone has died?

I am just posting this here because I have the opportunity to ask other vegans and if they have similar thoughts.

I'll share what steak signifies to me after your responses!

I would guess that the person just viewed steak as a nice meal to serve to people in a hard time (i.e. expensive, others might not be able to afford it). Obviously, as vegans, we don't agree with steak ever being served, but I don't see it as signifying anything else.

I assume you see it as a "party" type food?


I don't really see steak as something symbolic to serve during a wake/after a funeral.  Even when I was an omni I wouldn't think of steak (or any heavy meaty item) as comforting or rich or opulent....


My mom just lost her mom and ate fruit for a while because heavier foods repulsed her.  From that aspect alone, it's weird.


Wellll... I guess I'd have to know the person serving, to understand what it meant in that context... maybe they were trying to offer comfort, or show they cared by serving a meal that was expensive,to try to show how much they valued the person who passed & those grieving for her...? maybe they wanted to show off how much wealth they have, with an arrogant public display of extravagance...? Hard to say, without knowing the person; & their intention (or at least my perception of it) would color my experience of their actions...

All that aside, regardless of host/ess intentions, I'd internally be like, 'Great: more death! I hate you all and am going to go home & cry in peace & quiet at the earliest possible opportunity, you insensitive bastards!'... but intentions would matter, regarding whether I'd say that or not before leaving. (Just kidding... mostly!)


I would think it was weird to commemorate a life with death, similar to celebrating holidays/life with dead animals. But outside the "vegan perspective," that's not so strange.

On the other hand, having food in general feels weird at a memorial. I was at one last weekend, and it feels strange to have anything indulgent during such a grave time (what do you say if you really like the food? "hey man, where did you get this delicious funeral food? i need to get me some!"). Also, if you're close to the deceased, it's hard to think of eating at all.


I find it odd simply because as hh said, a lot of people eat very lightly for days or weeks after a shock/time of grief like that. So I personally would find any huge heavy meal difficult to eat. But other than that, as far as I'm concerned serving the steak then makes about as much sense as serving it at other times, and I usually chalk it up to "omni weirdness that I will never understand".


Steaks strike me as odd. Maybe it was something the person considered easy to prepare (how hard is it to grill a chunk of flesh?). Maybe they liked grilling things. I have a friend whose husband will fire up their gas grill at the drop of a sock, even if it's raining. But it does seem odd. Display, as someone else mentioned? Maybe, I'd have to know more about the hostess/her family. But yeah, in my experience people in distress tend to go for light foods, finger foods, or something simple and hot like broth.


That's bizarre to me.
After my dad died, I don't remember eating much of anything and 5 days after his death was Thanksgiving. My grandma and aunts made Thanksgiving and brought some to our house from my family and I, but my mom was still in the hospital (it was a car accident, my dad died, my mom had some complications).
People always bring food, they don't know what else to do, but usually the family isn't in the mood to eat. She was probably just trying to be nice and it was something easy to make, but most people make lasagna or a casserole of some sort.


It seems my family does meat trays after funerals. People kept bringing meat trays.

Log in or register to post comments