new vegan - - and i'm the cook for the family.
Posted by longer_look on Mar 04, 2010 · Member since Feb 2010 · 369 posts
hey all... being new to this... i have a problem in the kitchen now.
do any of you have a problem cooking meat now? i have meat-eaters in the family... but i don't think i could even cook meat anymore. is this overstepping the bounds in the kitchen? is it unfair to everyone else?
Fair enough... though for me, it did evolve post-marriage; what's been constant (i.e. what was fully disclosed ahead of time -- he had his chance to dodge, if he didn't like it!) was that I take intellectual/ emotional/ ethical shit seriously in a day-to-day way, and try hard to have my inside 'me' & my outside 'me' match up as closely as possible! (and it really messes with me, when they don't)
Your point's a valid one though; families have different needs, and the OP's are different than mine... so it's extra-cool that there's a site like VW, where so many viewpoints are represented. :)
Amen. ;)b
FAMILY FIRST AND FORMOST.
the family can kiss it, as far as i'm concerned... i'm not gonna support any slaughtering in this house. if they wanna eat meet... they can cook their own sh*t.
FAMILY FIRST AND FORMOST.
the family can kiss it, as far as i'm concerned... i'm not gonna support any slaughtering in this house. if they wanna eat meet... they can cook their own sh*t.
Are you a troll, or just an ass? I'm glad I'm not in your family.
FAMILY FIRST AND FORMOST.
the family can kiss it, as far as i'm concerned... i'm not gonna support any slaughtering in this house. if they wanna eat meet... they can cook their own sh*t.
Are you a troll, or just an ass? I'm glad I'm not in your family.
just an ass.
FAMILY FIRST AND FORMOST.
the family can kiss it, as far as i'm concerned... i'm not gonna support any slaughtering in this house. if they wanna eat meet... they can cook their own sh*t.
Are you a troll, or just an ass? I'm glad I'm not in your family.
But... a *well-intentioned* (& often entertaining) ass! That's gotta count for SOMETHING... ;D
FAMILY FIRST AND FORMOST.
the family can kiss it, as far as i'm concerned... i'm not gonna support any slaughtering in this house. if they wanna eat meet... they can cook their own sh*t.
I must admit to agreeing....
::hugs::
FAMILY FIRST AND FORMOST.
the family can kiss it, as far as i'm concerned... i'm not gonna support any slaughtering in this house. if they wanna eat meet... they can cook their own sh*t.
Awesomeness <3 My feelings exactly
This is basically what it came down to for me and my BF... I am not cooking 2 fucking meals when the 1 vegan meal I am making tastes AWESOME... Eat it or make your own shit cause this is what's for dinner... And hahahahaha now he's ovo-veg... Soon to be vegan (Don't tell him, he doesn't know it yet!)
I just have to say...
Imagine the person you live with coming home and saying, "Ive just decided cars are bad for the environment so im not going to use them anymore. Im going to ride my bike everywhere."
You might think, thats a little weird, but hey, Ill support you and who knows if youre really fit in a few months and the riding a bike thing goes well, maybe Ill try it.
If they came home and said, "Ive just decided that cars are bad for the environment so I sold our car and you can either ride a bike to work, or fend for yourself, or suck it"
You would probably feel differently.
I really cant help but feel that is an extremely selfish approach.
i don't think that's quite the same.
i'm not making them eat vegan. but i'm the cook. i make copycat versions of everything we used to eat.
so it would be like me coming home and telling them i sold the hummer... now we're going to work in a hybrid. if you just HAVE to have a gas guzzler... go get one yourself.
i don't think that's quite the same.
i'm not making them eat vegan. but i'm the cook. i make copycat versions of everything we used to eat.
so it would be like me coming home and telling them i sold the hummer... now we're going to work in a hybrid. if you just HAVE to have a gas guzzler... go get one yourself.
Um exactly awesome scenario BTW... The bike comparison was really ridiculous... I dunno I'm not a pushover and how am I forcing my BF to eat anything? I make what I want to eat and buy what I want to buy... It's not my fault he's too lazy to cook or buy groceries that's his problem
I just have to say...
Imagine the person you live with coming home and saying, "Ive just decided cars are bad for the environment so im not going to use them anymore. Im going to ride my bike everywhere."
You might think, thats a little weird, but hey, Ill support you and who knows if youre really fit in a few months and the riding a bike thing goes well, maybe Ill try it.
If they came home and said, "Ive just decided that cars are bad for the environment so I sold our car and you can either ride a bike to work, or fend for yourself, or suck it"
You would probably feel differently.
I really cant help but feel that is an extremely selfish approach.
OK, here's where we differ: since he & I are both ADULTS, with the same ability to make a sandwich, I don't assume he's relying on me for transportation -- we have TWO cars, not just one! See?
So, using your analogy: I've sold my car, and decided to only ride my bike. I often say,'hey, I'm going to the farmer's market; wanna ride? if so, hop on!' And I drive us to the farmer's market (in my mind right now, my hubby looks funny perched on the handlebars!)... But if he says no thanks, I'm gonna go to Walmart instead, then I say, 'k, bye! (smooch)... see ya back here in an hour or so? cool! love! (wave)' & I pedal off, with both of us happily en route to where we want to go.
Now, if it were me & a small child who couldn't drive... well, that kid's gonna be tooling around in a little seat (with the most expensive helmet the shop carries!) on the back of MY bike, anyway! The child can't drive, so I'm not taking anything away from him by pedaling him there instead of taking him in the car. As the grownup, it's my job to make the best decision I can about how my kid gets dropped off; if I feel like he's safer on a bike than in a car, than that's what I'll take him in.
What's odd to me is that you would assume responsibility for another adult's daily needs. Grownups should see to themselves, I think, as a rule; help offered is a gift. It seems selfish to *me* for an SO to expect their meals to be the responsibility of some other person; much less think they can do 'special orders,' if they don't like what was given to them at first! wtf, that's just weird to me... but hey-- people are different. Whatever feels comfortable to you & for your relationship is the right thing to do... but I surely don't agree that folks who handle it differently are selfish, for expecting adults to act like adults! Just my 2 cents...
i suppose everyones situation is different and everyone will never agree on this.
if i didnt feed my boyfriend he would most certainly "fend for himself" and within a few weeks would probably be living soley off of beer and cheez-its. i love him too much to see him die a horrible cheez-it related death. thats just my way of taking care of him. he takes care of me by throwing my work clothes in the dryer when i forget, or paying my phone bill when i forget, or running my wallet to me when im in line at the grocery store. were both "adults" who would be able to survive just fine without each other but we do much better with each other. which is the point of a relationship i think?
im not against anyone who isnt comfortable cooking meat or even having it in their house. at all. im against putting your emotional needs ahead of the emotional needs of the people you supposedly love.
like i said, i dont expect everyone to agree with me and thats fine.
im not against anyone who isnt comfortable cooking meat or even having it in their house. at all. im against putting your emotional needs ahead of the emotional needs of the people you supposedly love.
like i said, i dont expect everyone to agree with me and thats fine.
1) Agreed: human diversity (though occasionally annoying!) is a blessing, rather than a curse! How boring would it be, if we all thought exactly the same thing?! Even amongst a relatively similar group (such as this rather FABULOUS one, on VW!), there are bound to be differences between us: for me, that's part of what keeps life interesting! And nothing clarifies your point of view, in your own head, like sharing it with someone who disagrees... It doesn't make *either* of our viewpoints right or wrong; we just see things differently... & that's totally cool: like the bumper sticker says, 'Celebrate Diversity!'
2) In my marriage, this issue doesn't put anyone's needs 'ahead' of the other person's... I can see how it could, I guess, but mainly if folks were mismatched in the first place. I think it's possible for partners to be two whole & complete people, meeting their own emotional needs, without taking anything AWAY from the other party... I hope that's what everyone here has! 'Cause it rocks. :)
Some of us are going to have to agree to disagree on our approach and leave it at that. It's our own individual decisions what goes on in our kitchens and our homes.
I think we have to take our loved one's feelings into consideration. Imagine you lived in a house and weren't the cook. It's a vegan house, and you've been vegan your entire life and suddenly the cook says "I'm only cooking meat, fuck you if you don't like it". How would you feel. You might say "o.k. I'll cook my own shit then". But imagine the strife, nonetheless.
I think should be respectful in their approach and not selfish. Not that you should cook meat, I don't just don't think you have to be an ass about it.
However, I understand the vegan's desire for an all-vegan kitchen. I get that.
Anyway, I was ovo-lacto when I met my ex. We spent 10 years together and he never became vegetarian, but he couldn't cook, so he happily ate what I cooked and it worked out.
Now I'm full fledged vegan and single. If I ever get in another relationship it would be with the understanding that I cook and eat vegan 100% of the time, but I'm not going to attempt to convert anyone. As a 50-something year old queer, I don't have many peers out there who might take an interest in me, so I'm not going to be too hardnosed.
1) Agreed: human diversity (though occasionally annoying!) is a blessing, rather than a curse! How boring would it be, if we all thought exactly the same thing?! Even amongst a relatively similar group (such as this rather FABULOUS one, on VW!), there are bound to be differences between us: for me, that's part of what keeps life interesting! And nothing clarifies your point of view, in your own head, like sharing it with someone who disagrees... It doesn't make *either* of our viewpoints right or wrong; we just see things differently... & that's totally cool: like the bumper sticker says, 'Celebrate Diversity!'
Beautifully said! I think we should leave it at that.
I think we have to take our loved one's feelings into consideration. Imagine you lived in a house and weren't the cook. It's a vegan house, and you've been vegan your entire life and suddenly the cook says "I'm only cooking meat, fuck you if you don't like it". How would you feel. You might say "o.k. I'll cook my own shit then". But imagine the strife, nonetheless.
I think should be respectful in their approach and not selfish. Not that you should cook meat, I don't just don't think you have to be an ass about it.
This is better than my bike metaphor ( but less creative :) ).
The question wasn't, " should I force my housemates into going vegan?", but "should I cook non-vegan food for other adults even though it makes me uncomfortable?" So, basically do whatever makes you comfortable. hotcooknmama said it better than I can, but it is equally selfish to expect one person to do all the cooking and feeding in the whole house anyway. Being able to feed yourself is a life skill. It wouldn't be doing anyone a disservice to say,"make yourself a grilled cheese and a salad, sucka!" Heaven forbid your boyfriend ever left and lived on his own.
maybe i haven't been saying it right.
when i cook for him it makes him happy, and i like making him happy.
the end.
Pages