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Dear Vegweb.......something that really bothers me.

First of all I truly do not mean to offend anyone here –just offer up something that has been really bothering me lately. I also don’t mean it to be a debate – so I ‘m not posting it on the debate thread.

I have been a member of VW for a long time. I’m not the most frequent poster, but I do like to read the boards and truly admire and appreciate the respect with which people treat each other. In the last couple of months, however, I have noticed that a great many threads somehow take a turn into sexual innuendo – or just outright discussion of sex.

And I know, I know, if I don’t want to be part of it I can choose not to read it – and often I don’t. But it sometimes pops up randomly in the middle of an otherwise food or chat-related thread I am enjoying. And it sometimes highjacks another thread altogether.

I’m not meaning this a as a judgement or lecture or sermon or anything else – I just wanted to express that this makes me sad and sometimes even kind of angry to hear sex thrown around so flippantly. I KNOW not everyone shares my viewpoint on this and I don’t expect them to – but I have a really hard time understanding how one can be so casual about the only thing that they can give to another person that is uniquely theirs. Additionally, I strongly believe that even though one may not initially realize or admit it, there are a lot of emotional and psychological consequences to cheapening sex to something purely physical and meaningless – maybe not right away – but further down the road. At the very least, this seems like it should be a private discussion be treated with a little bit of discretion and reverence. As a person who did not get to choose where and when to give that part of myself away – I know that part of this is my own issue – and I am dealing with that in the best way I know how. I am a much stronger person than I was six months ago and even typing this is taking a LOT of guts for me.

Again, this is not meant to be a finger-point, accusation or judgement. In many other areas of my life I agree to disagree peacefully, and this is no different. Even though I am sure I am in the minority here, I just really felt the need to express my true viewpoint on this.

Peace,
PP

You're not alone.

((PP))

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I admire your courage in expressing how you feel.

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Ah, yea.  I feel the same way about intimate relationships being particularly special..
but I also feel like openness with the topic is healthy for people... but maybe not in the way its being done on the forums....
perhaps people can make a sexual innuendoes topic and post all of their jokes, etc on there... and no one else has to look?

But I agree that it is really great of you to post what you feel, how else would anyone know?
I hope everyone can show you kindness!!

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You're my hero PP! I love you  :)>>>

((((hugs))))

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PP..I feel the same way and I ignore those threads for the most part.  I was never in your situation.  For me it was that I was taught it was a special bond between two people and that's where it should stay..you don't blab it around for all the world to hear/see. 

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{{{{{PP}}}}}

That's really all I have to say.

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I respect and understand your viewpoint, even though mine differs.  I'm not really sure what you would have us do, though.  Do you have any suggestions, specifically?   

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I respect and understand your viewpoint, even though mine differs.  I'm not really sure what you would have us do, though.  Do you have any suggestions, specifically?   

Might it be possible, like teade said, to relegate the discussion of these topics to particular threads (e.g., the moratorium thread)? It seems from PP's oriignal post that the biggest issue is that it pops into threads that aren't sexually related and ends up hijacking them. It's one thing if the threads are clearly sexually-related... then you can CHOOSE to enter them. It's another thing if the thread is about, say, pie... and then it's NOT anymore. (I don't think a pie thread was hijacked-- pie has just been my go-to word lately)

And yes, this might mean some restraint if an opportunity to make sexual innuendos presents itself. But I don't think that's too much to ask, particularly when other threads are available.

ETA--the tricky part in this might be the "open" threads--aimless chit-chat, open letters, etc. I don't have an answer right now.

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? I guess I haven't seen these hijacked threads since I haven't been on here in a while. Though I'm not sure what qualifies as cheapening sex (mere discussion of it?), I think generally thread-jacking should be avoided... I would personally find it disappointing if I posted a question I hoped to get answered, come back to an apparent 10 replies, and have them be about kittehs or something
(Not to confuse anyone - I LOVE kittehs.)

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I give you props for speaking up, but (since you specifically chose not to put this on the debate thread) people won't really be able to talk it out, so I hope you weren't looking for a resolution.

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Yea, I've read some interesting posts where I'll get to the next one and it'll just be a blunt phrase about sex that has nothing to do with the topic....
I honestly am not affected by it, except that I'm like 'aw man, I thought it was going to be more informative?'
but I definitely can see why it could get annoying.

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sorry you feel that way PP, let us know if you have any suggestions.  I know sex comes up alot but I guess I haven't seen it in food threads, usually it's in the random chit chat threads. 
and honestly, I feel there has been alot less talk about sex lately.

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Hey PP, I respect your opinion and point of view. I'd like to respond to you personally, but I don't have PM options.  :-\

and honestly, I feel there has been alot less talk about sex lately.

I also thought this.  At least, compared to a month or so ago.

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I give you props for speaking up, but (since you specifically chose not to put this on the debate thread) people won't really be able to talk it out, so I hope you weren't looking for a resolution.

x2

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(((PP)))

I agree that the subject does come up in some very random places.  Probably where it shouldn't.  I find it annoying to have to sift through layers and layers of crap just to find out where the actually discussion takes place.

If people could show some restraint or just do this: after a thread has taken a turn it could be branched off into another thread that specifically lists that it is sexual in nature.

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? I guess I haven't seen these hijacked threads since I haven't been on here in a while. Though I'm not sure what qualifies as cheapening sex (mere discussion of it?), I think generally thread-jacking should be avoided... I would personally find it disappointing if I posted a question I hoped to get answered, come back to an apparent 10 replies, and have them be about kittehs or something
(Not to confuse anyone - I LOVE kittehs.)

I think that's good general advice.

I'm not sure what else there is to do.  Like others have said, I don't think it often happens that people are talking about food or PETA protests and then sex comes up.  Do you have specific examples to help me see what you mean?  But things like that are off-topic, so going with the idea of no thread-jacking would cover that.

Otherwise I guess we just all have to realize that we have different opinions about sex, and there is no way and no reason that we can all come to a palatable consensus for everyone.  It's just like anything else where you have to be like, well, so and so sees this differently.  Like, if we are veg*ns, then it's often not a good expenditure of energy to get angry every time someone says "Oh, I'm going to eat chicken for dinner," even though we find that offensive.  Ya know?  

ETA--the tricky part in this might be the "open" threads--aimless chit-chat, open letters, etc. I don't have an answer right now.

I'm gonna pull rank in regards to my own thread (aimless chitchat) because it was designed for the express purpose of a dumping ground to avoid threadjackings.  You can post whatever you want there.  So everyone know that that might be a thread to avoid.  If you want to make a thread where that type of discussion doesn't happen, feel free.

I KNOW not everyone shares my viewpoint on this and I don’t expect them to – but I have a really hard time understanding how one can be so casual about the only thing that they can give to another person that is uniquely theirs.

If you want to have an actual conversation about it, like hh said, you should post about it on debate.  Otherwise we probably shouldn't discuss here, but I will participate/share my experiences in a different thread if that's what you are looking for.  I will say that I am a sex-positive person, and I find sexual discussions beneficial and necessary instead of cheap and flippant.  Just know that there is some thought behind it, not just carelessness.

So yeah, I think this is like anything else (religion, politics, etc), where we all just have to recognize that everyone has a different view that suits them.  If I were an atheist, I couldn't really get mad every time someone mentioned god or prayer or something even if I found those things absolutely nonsensical, horrid, and hard to understand.  I'm not really sure there is a resolution?  Except to be civil.  Like, if we were saying things like, "Wow, you're a slut!" or "Wow, you're a prude!" that would be off base.  But describing your own experiences is a non-judgmental act.  

I'm still not really sure what to do, PP, so if you let us know, like, what your ideal VW would look like, maybe we can work toward some sort of compromise?   :-*

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Also, when I asked for more specificity, I mean, what parts turn you away?  Is it just mentioning sex in general, or mentioning that you had sex, or is it explicit descriptions or certain words?  Or jokes?  Tell me what you think. 

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I don't think this is really a debatable thread...PP is just asking us to be mindful in the future when posting in threads titled with a non-sexual subject.  She has told us her reasoning for her request, which I don't think anyone can disagree with.

I understand your justifications and questions KMK, but I think PP already told us what her ideal VW would be- one in which the threads do not to turn into sexual conversations regularly.  I know that is a subjective statement, but as she explained in her initial post, it is how often the subject comes up, not necessarily how it is used.

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no one will ever be happy with the content of a website unless it is your own website and only you control the content.  some people may be disgusted or uncomfortable with the topic of passing gas, but there is a whole thread devoted to it.  there may be a certain poster whose comments usually are annoying to you, all you can do is skim over them or block them so you don't have to see what they wrote.  what i'm saying is that while i agree that thread hi-jacking can be really annoying, only you can control what you decide to read.  skim & move on.  we're all adults here right?  Food & Sex are 2 things that people the world over are really interested in, it's been that way for a long time and it will probably stay that way.  everyone is raised to react to things differently, but when we grow up we realize that we get to choose how we react.  we don't get to choose what other people say, feel, post.. only what we decide to read.

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I do respect all the opinions here on the subject because sex means something different to each of us.  For me, I've never equated sex with true love.  It certainly is something that you can share with someone you love, but if the sexual act is removed for any reason, does that mean you stop loving that person?  I've always been annoyed and somewhat perplexed why so much importance is put on it.  That's why I can talk about sex openly, joke about it, share thoughts about it, have fun with it, enjoy it...etc.   But when I look a woman in the eyes and tell her that I love her, it's because of who she is as a person and how she makes me feel.  I'm a very romantic person, but I've never romanticized sex.  A paradox in terms?  Yes, but that's how I feel.  In the end, for me, it's pretty irrelevant.  So, any topic related to sex here on the boards is fun and  enlightening to me and I hope they continue.  

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