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The Moratorium Auditorium: In Which We Unite In Shunning Inadequacy

Crossover from the open letters thread!

Represent.

:-*

Haha, I'm so lost on the FROF guidelines, but I will gladly, earnestly make an Excel program to the best of my ability if I can piece it together from what's here.  Not kidding.

Yes!  Maybe a visual representation of FROF will help clear the air.

Do you offer a three day, hands-on intensive seminar?  I'd like to sign up.

Oh, you are too witty, my dear.
8-)

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I just reread that and realized how it sounded the second time around.  I was going to edit it, but what the hell, we're in the auditorium.  It stays, as does the preceding comma splice.

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I just reread that and realized how it sounded the second time around.  I was going to edit it, but what the hell, we're in the auditorium.  It stays, as does the preceding comma splice.

WE MAKE OUR OWN RULES-- WE HAVE NO RULES!
We are heathen badasses.

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I am going to have a mini feminist rant here, ok?

So, I'm an econ major - the only female one at my university.  For the most part, my professors don't make an issue of this.  (I had one professor last semester that pissed me off so much I reported him to administration, but that's another tangent.)  The problem is the other students!  For example, in one of our classes we have to do peer-reviewed presentations and during my presentation, I get comments like 'econ does a body good' or 'I don't even care what she says - I give her an A+!', etc.  It's all done quietly, so the professors don't hear (or ignore) it.  I have also had several students ask me for help in some of the more difficult courses (I have a 3.9 GPA  8-) ) and I've agreed.  We set up a tutoring session and they try to turn it into a date!  I have had two not even bring textbooks/supplies to our tutoring sessions.  Of course, I then I don't help that person any more, but this seems to be the rule rather than the exception.  Today, one of my classmates made a comment about a girl walking down the hall (who was small-breasted) and said something about her looking like a 14-year old boy and how he would never date someone with such small breasts.  I must have looked really pissed, because another boy (and that's what they are - fucking boys - not men!) says, 'uh oh! angry feminist alert.' 

Okay.  I feel better.

Please continue to discuss hands-on activities.  ^-^

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I just reread that and realized how it sounded the second time around.  I was going to edit it, but what the hell, we're in the auditorium.  It stays, as does the preceding comma splice.

WE MAKE OUR OWN RULES-- WE HAVE NO RULES!

That sort of sounds like something from Fight Club. 

I love you guys.  Best. Thread. Ever.

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Okay.  I feel better.

Really, that's all that matters. And I'm not being sarcastic. The moratorium rocks. Congrats on the GPA, smarty pants. I love being smart. You know what else? I like that I can own that I am smart and not feel bad about it or downplay it or pretend like I'm not. I am. And I am not trying to sound stuck up-- I'm proud. This thread is about empowerment, as well, no?

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Okay, I gotta say it.

Your guys with the FROF or whatever thingers... you got it better than I do. I thought the "at least engaged" was a good enough stipulation. WRONG. Four and a half YEARS (not dates) later, we're living together, not engaged (why not?!), and somehow we're both sticking to that agreement.

I know that says he's a swell guy, very respectful, and that we have tons of other stuff going for us in our relationship. I just dunno what it says about me. Stubborn? Jaded? Low sex drive? Stupid?

I'm going for the last one. Four really good dates? More than four years?

I'm a dumbass.

???

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You're not a dumbass, JC. You've obviously found something that works for you and you're in love. Love conquers all, JC.

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Okay.  I feel better.

Really, that's all that matters. And I'm not being sarcastic. The moratorium rocks. Congrats on the GPA, smarty pants. I love being smart. You know what else? I like that I can own that I am smart and not feel bad about it or downplay it or pretend like I'm not. I am. And I am not trying to sound stuck up-- I'm proud. This thread is about empowerment, as well, no?

I agree.  I like being smart, too!  Plus, I think (as far as dating goes) brains are more important than looks.  If you can't have an intelligent conversation with someone, what will you have after the newness wears off.  

MDV's Order of Importance: Brains (and this must include areas outside of the date's field of expertise), Sense of humor (preferably dry and sarcastic), THEN looks.  

eta: hugs, jeanacorina you crazy girl.  I responded to your email, too.

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I agree whole heartily that you MUST have something to talk about with another person.  That said, I have known girls who were very intelligent and bored me senseless.  The illogical truth is, sometimes we're drawn to people because of inherent, tender feelings that only they can touch. I remember the last time I could say I was "in love" and remember the moment vividly.  I was cooking dinner for her, was about to say something and realized she suddenly wasn't in the room anymore.  So, I dropped what I was doing, walked into the living room and there she was on the sofa, holding my cat, talking to him with this big smile on her face.  I knew that she loved animals but there was something about that image that stays with me to this day.  We can set standards, expectations, have a certain look we like, establish unequivocal boundries for sexual activity, etc...but the in the end, it's the intangibles that will often attract us.  So confusing, so intriguing... :)>>>

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(((DanaJames)))
I like your post and your way of thinking.

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I just caught up on like 4 pages here & now I forgot what I was going to write. This thread is cool though.

mdvegan, can you go over to the everything pet thread? my cat has a problem and I thought as our resident cat lady you might have some insight.

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Ok, here’s my real contribution to this thread. (I was supposed to have field work today, but the weather didn’t cooperate, so I’m sure everyone will hear a lot from me today)

I think too many people, both consciously & subconsciously, equate sex with love, or at least affection. This is why I support your moratorium. Even if someone thinks, “oh it’s just sex, it’s no big deal, I can handle it”, sex does complicate things because feelings do get attached once it is thrown into a relationship, even when you don’t realize it.

Personal anecdote: At the same time that my first serious relationship started imploding, we also started having sex less frequently. I told myself that my sex drive must just be higher than his and, with this rationale, I cheated on him. (There is never any good reason to cheat and I don’t agree with it now, just so everyone knows that) Looking back on it, what I was really looking for was the attention and affection that I wasn’t getting at home anymore. I really just wanted someone to make me feel like I was attractive and to be nice to me.  Obviously that relationship didn’t last.

Flash forward to my current relationship. Of course, in the beginning, we were doing it like rabbits. A couple years into the relationship, he had to have a surgery that left him incapable for a while. Of course I missed the sex a little, but it because it was a solid, healthy relationship that was based on more than just sex; it wasn’t a big deal at all. We were still affectionate to each other, and mindful of each other’s feelings and needs. I think that time actually strengthened our relationship in the long run.

So I guess my point here is that good relationships should be based more on friendship than on physical attraction and I think the moratorium is great. It will give you a chance to develop a real relationship with the other person before complicating things with the physical aspect of it.

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Thanks for sharing that, Lisa.  :)>>>

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I think DanaJames has a point about chemistry between two people.  I married a 'great guy' - smart, vegan, loves cats, etc. but from the beginning there was no real connection.  I loved him as a human, but I never felt like - WOW - I guess.  For years, that wasn't a problem. We got along without any real bumps in the road (no peaks or valleys, so to speak), but when we shared our first real traumatic experience together (the death of our little girl, Houdini last June) things completely fell apart.  There was nothing holding us together aside from some shared interests, and things snowballed from there.  I was more hurt and upset about things going south with my 'friend'  - and I'd only known him for a few weeks -  than I was about my marriage failing after living together for five years.  I don't think I cried once over the divorce.  I will never again have a long-term relationship without that connection.  Yes, it opens you up to get hurt more, but there's also more to gain.

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Yeah. Connection needed. I'm not sure I've had the connection in combination with shared interests. I want the whole package, dammit.

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I'm not sure I've had the connection in combination with shared interests. I want the whole package, dammit.

~sigh~

x2 

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Excel is sexy.

(Hows that for sage advice? lol)

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Now I feel like I can't post funny kindof related to sex stories. HH made a joke about me eating a toe on aimless & I wanted to tell her about my sister's senior prom date sucking on her toes... but I was afraid it wasn't appropriate for aimless. Then it seemed out of context & dumb here. gah!

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Now I feel like I can't post funny kindof related to sex stories. HH made a joke about me eating a toe on aimless & I wanted to tell her about my sister's senior prom date sucking on her toes... but I was afraid it wasn't appropriate for aimless. Then it seemed out of context & dumb here. gah!

Talk about it here!  We love sex stories.  Please elaborate on the toe sucking.

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